Trump Revokes Top Democrats’ Access To In-N-Out Secret Menu

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Critics raised allegations that the brand new administration was making strikes to take revenge on political enemies, because the White House introduced that President Donald Trump had revoked prime Democrats’ entry to In-N-Out’s secret menu.

The choice was made late Monday, with the Trump administration formally eradicating a number of outstanding Democrat officers’ capacity to order something from the favored West Coast-based burger chain’s secret menu, leaving Democrats outraged.

“No more secret menu, folks. Forget about it. They don’t get special privileges,” Trump advised a bunch of reporters within the Oval Office. “These losers have been living above the law for too long, and it’s time to put a stop to it. I’ve heard Tony Blinken likes his Flying Dutchman, but it’s not going to happen anymore. You hear that, Tony? It’s over. Same with Jake Sullivan. I don’t care if it’s Roadkill fries or a Neopolitan Shake, we’re putting a stop to it.”

When reached for remark, one former Biden official was appalled at what he described as abuse of energy by the Trump administration. “They can’t get away with this,” stated Andrew Weissmann. “This is just more evidence that Donald Trump is a totalitarian dictator. Like everyone else, I go to In-N-Out every time I’m in California. Taking away my ability to order a mustard-grilled 4X4 extra toasted with chopped chilis is taking away my basic right as an American citizen. Trump is a fascist!”

At publishing time, Trump had ordered the Department of Justice to launch an investigation into reviews that Senator Adam Schiff had violated the coverage by ordering a Grilled Cheese and a Lemon-Up.